Whenever you are not in an exclusive relationship with one person, you are fishing in a sea of non-monogamy or you are not fishing at all. Hence a lot of people who see themselves as strictly monogamous are in fact less ‘mono’ as they might think. 

This edition of sexTALKS will dive into the ocean of non-exclusive relationships and all the diversity it entails. As usual three speakers will talk about a specific subject and this time there will be a live Q&A with a polycule (all the people in a network of non-monogamous relationships) as a bonus.

This edition features:

Modern Love & Intimacy – by Suzanne Allegonda

We live in a society where monogamy is still the norm. Suzanne will take a look at where this construct comes from and how it is changing. Furthermore she will give some tips and tricks about how to discover needs that go beyond monogamy’s framework. 

Outside The Box: The Queerness of Non-monogamy – by Jason G’Sell and Neo Elder

Queerness involves thinking and being ‘outside the box’. The lens of queerness can open up a richer understanding and experience of non-monogamy. But when we say ‘non-monogamy’, what do we mean? A queer inquiry can help us look at the role of ideas, concepts and language use in shaping our understandings. How much is our thinking and being constrained by heteronormative and ‘mono-normative’ concepts? Find out in this talk!

Poly versus Kink and BDSM – by Hans West

Kink and BDSM are often practiced in non-monogamous settings. Hans will talk about living out our fantasies in reality and what that means to the relationships involved; what things we need to get into place in our relationships to be able to do this safely, sanely and with consent. 

About the speakers:

Suzanne Allegonda is an Amsterdam based artist with a background in Social Psychology.

She has been on a journey of discovery what intimacy and love means for her. 

On this journey she had multiple non-monogamous relationships and learned, sometimes the hard way, the intricacies and complexities that come along with it. To share her lessons learned and deepen her understanding she started Unframed Collective, which hosts events and organises workshops at festivals, highlighting specific topics related to themes such as rituals, gender, intimacy and sexuality. 

Neo Elder PhD is a workshop designer, facilitator, scholar, creator, and co-founder of Queer Creation. He pioneered a wide range of empowerment retreats for gay men across the UK in the 80s and 90s. Moving to Australia, he undertook a PhD in Integral Theory, and then worked as a Senior Research Fellow publishing on such topics as human potential and global mindset transformation. With qualifications in Psychosynthesis, Structural Dynamics, and Body Electric, he is currently developing an archetypal approach to queer theory and practice. 

Jason G’Sell is co-founder of Queer Creation, works as a Somatic Sex Educator and is a certified Sexological Bodyworker. Jason supports individuals to step into greater agency in their lives and relationships, expanding into the fullest potentials of being. He works with people of all genders and orientations, and seeks to deeply honour each person’s unique identity and place in our community. Jason is passionate about creating spaces where a diversity of humans can explore our unity and oneness. He believes pleasure is our birthright and a key tool for personal and collective liberation. 

Hans West has been a therapist since the late ’80s (from physiotherapy to body pyschotherapy, integrative therapy and integrative supervision) and being an active kinkster (BDSM) since the ’70s, he learned a lot of things about kink, BDSM, fetish and kinky sex the hard way (the pre-internet stone-ages). He started to teach people about safe BDSM-techniques and consent and introduce people to BDSM, poly, and kinky sex.

In  2010 he took up this ‘passion’ professionally by combining his knowledge about kinky sex and (relationship)therapy. Now he helps people coming out of their closets and enjoy their other-than-usual (so apparently ‘kinky’) sexuality. He offers relationship coaching when there are discrepancies in the relationship concerning vanilla, fetish, BDSM, kink, etc. 

Program (GMT+2.00):

19:00 Doors TenClub open

19:45 ZOOM open

20:00 Talk I: Modern Love & Intimacy

20:30 Discussion/questions

20:45 Talk II: Outside The Box – The Queerness of Non-monogamy

21:15 Discussion/questions

21:30 Break/ Zoom Q&A with first three speakers

21:45 Talk III: Poly versus Kink and BDSM

22:15 Discussion/questions

22:30 Q&A with a polycule

23:00 End